Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Opinion: Stormtroopers: Terrors of the Target Range?

By: David Gremillion

Every so often, we encounter a "meme" on Reddit, Facebook, or Tumblr that depicts the stormtroopers as having the worst aim this side of the universe. What's that? You've missed out on those images? Try these jokes.

They couldn't hit a planet if they aimed at the ground.
They couldn't hit sand if they stood on Tatooine.
They couldn't hit space if they stood on top of a TIE fighter.
Getting the idea?

But is all of this warranted? The greatest case against them is when our heroes are fleeing the Empire on Cloud City in The Empire Strikes Back. The stormtroopers, the most feared forces in all of the Galactic Empire, couldn't hit anyone despite having ample opportunity. Often times, Leia, Chewie, and Lando were running in an open corridor with no hint of cover. The troopers hit walls, doors, elevators, everything around them...except for their targets. In fact, there is one comical scene where a trooper fires several times at a fleeing Leia. She still has time to turn, aim, do her nails, call her agent, kiss a wookiee, and still fire.

So you must be thinking that this is it, my argument has more holes in it than the ObamaCare website.

To quote Lee Corso: "Not so fast, my friend."

Whole wings attacked the Death Star in A New Hope, but barely a handful came back. Wookieepedia claims that "many" Ewoks were killed along with at least 175 rebels. Obi-Wan admitted that the stormtroopers were precise in their accuracy after seeing slaughtered Jawas and Sandpeople on Tatooine. Within the first five minutes of the first time the world saw Star Wars, it was rebels falling beneath the well-aimed shots of the most feared army in the galaxy. Wookieepedia also states that the rebellion suffered "heavy casualties" while fighting a rear-guard action on Hoth.

But surely, our main characters are safe, right?
Leia gets shot...twice.

True, the stormtroopers suffer from "plot haze" every once in a while, but that's understandable. After all, there isn't a series across any genre in all of existence that kills off their main characters in a realistic manner. To do so would be horribly cruel to the audience and disrupt the story itself.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to Game of Thrones.


Ammo15 said...

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